“Philip Parsons, if you’re watching, in five minutes time I will be strapped to a wheel of death. And you will have a plate, with some words on it and a knife and fork.”
“I am risking my life for chat.”
“All right, Philip Parsons of The Times, you are right, the show is moribund.”
“They’re wet, my trousers are wet!”
“So, Mr Philip Parsons from behind the times.”
“Mohammed has moved the mountain to you! It’s not literally a mountain, it’s a photocopier.”
“I bought a house this week in Mayfair for £500. [...] I was playing Monopoly!”
“I’m Alan Partridge, carry on.”
“The man who masterminded the battle of El Alamein. And the name of this hypothetical dog.”
“Because I often have a recurring dream in which I am an owl.”
