Chester! Chester! Near North Wales, off the M56

Chester, Chester, near North Wales Off the M56

Chester! Chester! Near North Wales! Off the M56!

Alan is in the room Jed has dedicated to him. Jed reveals a large tattoo of Alan’s face on his chest:

Jed: I’ll show you something.
Alan: Glory be!
Jed: It took 14 hours! I fainted three times.
Alan: Jed, I’ll level with you. I’m really scared. Erm.. . In fact, I think I’ll go.
Jed: No! Stay, don’t go!
Alan: All right. I’ll stay! I’ll stay. What do you want to do?
Jed: Let’s do an interview.
Alan: I think that’s a great idea.
Jed: Do you really?
Alan: I think it’s the best idea, in the world.
Jed: Oh, great! Right, well you can be David Copperfield. And I’ll be Alan Partridge [Puts an Alan Partridge mask on]. A-ha!
Alan [Making a run for it]: Oh god.
Jed: No! Come back! [Jed grabs Alan and they scuffle]
Alan: Not my face, I’m doing a photo-shoot for Vision Express! I’ll give you a Chinese burn!
Jed [With Alan in a headlock]: Ah! You bastard!
Alan: I can’t breathe. I can’t breathe.
Jed: Look, Alan. I just want to be your friend, that’s all.
Alan: I’ll BE your friend.
Jed: Oh, great. Will you come and see my brother-in-law next weekend?
Alan: I’d love to.
Jed: I bet you can’t guess where he lives. Go on, have a guess.
Alan: Nottingham.
Jed: No.
Alan: Chester.
Jed: Where?
Alan: Chester. Near North Wales, off the M56.
Jed: No, Leeds!
Alan: Oh, Leeds!
Jed: Can you smell gas?
Alan: I think that’s my breath. I ate a scotch egg. I thought it would have broken down by now, but I think I’m slightly constipated. It’s surprising, really, considering the circumstances.
Jed: I’m sorry, Alan. I didn’t know. Are you all right?
Alan: Yeah.
Jed: So we’re friends then?
Alan: Best friends.
Jed: In the whole world?
Alan: Pretty much, yeah.

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